Control Anger

Using Behavior Modification Techniques

How do you control anger?

When using behavior modification you learn your triggers, while discovering and recognizing your body’s clues.

When this occurs you change your perception taking your negative thoughts and changing them to positive thoughts.

Changing your perception on how you view these events is a way to rationalize the moment.

Stop jumping to the negative talk such as, “How come things never go right for me?”

Things will not always go your way and when they don’t, learn to grab control of your emotions before they escalate.

When you do lose your temper take some time afterwards to review the incident. What made you explode? The real reason. It may not be so much that this person didn’t know what they were doing rather than maybe you were upset that you weren’t getting what you wanted or maybe you got angry because you felt you didn’t have control over the situation. Is there a thought pattern you could have put in place that would have allowed you to better control anger and handle the situation? Discover the underlying reason as to why you got upset and then determine if it was rational. Stop taking things so seriously. Is what you exploded over really life or death important?

Here is an example: When you are putting something together and you’re getting tired and you do know when this is even if you ignore it, you can feel it. So you’re starting to get those rushing frustrated thoughts and you’re starting to say negative things out load or under your breath… do you walk away and take a break like you should? Noooooo because you are so frustrated you just want to get this project finished and done with. So instead you keep going and you unintentionally are sabotaging your efforts, the screw driver keeps slipping, the pieces don’t fit right, you start cursing and swear that they forgot to add a needed piece in the box, frustration builds more, streams of sweat are running down from your forehead and that’s even frustrating you. You explode throw the whole thing aside and voice your determination to just put it outside by the road… it can’t be done - especially with that missing piece! After you release that anger you go take your frustration out somewhere else or just give up and go watch some television.

frustration explosion

Tomorrow when you get up and you look at the mess as you’re having your cup of coffee, you decide to attempt this again, now you think, “Maybe I missed something?” You look at the instructions as you contemplate the pieces you’ve put together and sure enough you see where you made your error, "I’ll be dog’gon they didn’t forget to put any pieces in the box" ... and I guess you can always position that chipped piece (that happened when you threw it out of anger) against the wall to hide it.

So from this example as you calmly read, you know exactly what you should have done to control anger. The problem is you are blind to your actions when you are so heatedly involved. The trick is to become aware that this is the way things affect you and learn to read the signs that your body gives you.

Control anger by becoming aware of the negative talk in your head. When you were frustrated you could have sworn that the store that sold you this item was responsible for giving you an incomplete set. Chances are you also blamed the stupid people who packed it thinking that they can never do anything right!

To control anger you need to teach yourself to stop your thought process and realize that you are jumping to conclusions that are irrational.

When your body got tired this should have been your first clue. You ignored that clue so then you started to feel the frustration surface, this was your second clue but again you ignored it. Then you started to have negative thoughts one after the other building on frustration, clue three. Then your body and mind started to weaken due to the negativity, the screw driver kept slipping and nothing would go right, clue four. If you don’t catch yourself by this clue then prepare to explode!

This is what I mean by getting to know your body and the signs that it gives you. Work diligently to control anger by catching yourself on the first clue and change your direction of thought or walk away and don’t return to the project until you are calm and relaxed.

You always need a back up plan so when you get tired you don’t push yourself but walk away to get involved with something else or simply go take a shower and relax.

We have tomorrows so that what we don’t get done today will get finished later. Sure it would be great to snap our fingers to finish an unwanted project but we can’t - so go into any situation with the right attitude. Get to know yourself and how you react.

Drill in your head that throwing a temper tantrum or throwing and breaking something may feel great for about 1 ½ seconds as you release that negative energy but what destruction do you leave behind? Is it worth it?

You need to recognize when your body first signals you that frustration is present. Immediately stop what you are doing and turn your attention elsewhere. Picture the negativity and frustration as poison starting to pulsate through your veins.

When you don’t control anger the negativity will not only weaken your willpower but will weaken your physical abilities, negativity drains your energy. Remind yourself that becoming frustrated will not resolve anything and after the fact you will regret your actions.

There is always a solution to a problem you just need to understand your body’s clues - slow yourself enough to rationalize things out in your head – then attack the situation with problem solving techniques using thought not aggressive outbursts.

Other Related Links

  • Relaxation Exercises to Control Anger

  • Working on your Perception

  • Controling Road Rage

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