Anger is an eruption of negative thoughts that moves from annoyance into a passive anger. This anger is based on our perception (which is our beliefs) of a certain situation.
The symptoms of passive anger are:
To control anger outbreaks the individual must intercept their thoughts at the stage of annoyance and change their perception of the event, this then keeps the emotion from escalating to the next level.
"Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances." - Thomas Jefferson"
- Secretive behavior- stockpiling resentments that are expressed behind people’s backs, giving the silent treatment or under the breath mutterings, avoiding eye contact, putting people down, gossiping, anonymous complaints, poison pen letters, stealing, and conning.
- Manipulation - provoking people to aggression and then patronizing them, forgiveness, provoking aggression but staying on the sidelines, emotional blackmail, false tearfulness, feigning illness, sabotaging relationships, using sexual provocation, using a third party to convey negative feelings, withholding money or resources.
- Self-blame – this can show itself in an action such as apologizing too often, being overly critical, inviting criticism.
- Self-sacrifice - being overly helpful, making do with second best, quietly making long suffering signs but refusing help, or lapping up gratefulness.
- Ineffectualness – can cause deviant behavior including setting yourself and others up for failure, choosing unreliable people to depend on, being accident prone, underachieving, sexual impotence, expressing frustration at insignificant
things but ignoring serious ones.
- Dispassion - giving the cold shoulder or phony smiles, looking cool, sitting on the fence while others sort things out, dampening feelings with substance abuse, overeating or oversleeping.
This person may not respond to another’s anger, be frigidity, give inordinate amounts of time to machines, objects or intellectual pursuits, talking of frustrations but showing no feeling.
- Evasiveness - turning your back in a crisis, avoiding conflict, not arguing back, becoming phobic.
- Obsessive behavior - needing to be clean and tidy, making a habit of constantly checking things, over-dieting or overeating, demanding that all jobs are done perfectly.
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Use anger management to reduce passive anger